I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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