I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
