WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
it was like eating out sand paper
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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