sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
