Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
