Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
