his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
