I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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