That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize