Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
