He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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