I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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