I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
