My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
