my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
