How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
