I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
