your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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