Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The uberlube is also flammable
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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