I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
