Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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