grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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