Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
