??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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