They should really pass out barf bags in church
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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