You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
