office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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