The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
third nipple confirmed
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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