Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
