Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
