i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
