Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize