I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
