I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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