Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
