Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
