That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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