he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
