Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
