He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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