yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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