dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
