im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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