And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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