Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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