I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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