I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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