yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
