At least make sure they are 18
Why
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
