The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
