I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
