i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
North Korea, Best Korea!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
