You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
