pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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