Someone shit on the floor
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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