i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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