Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
