Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
