He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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