I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
