I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
