This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
