at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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