Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
