There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My vagina just recognized that song.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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