I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Randomize
