I like my sex mixed with concussions.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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