don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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