do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
