well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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