Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
