This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
