There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
