i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
