My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
