woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
How external is "for external use only"?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
