My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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