I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
