I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Let's get the cat blown out
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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